Competitive…

Since childhood, I have been very competitive. To me nothing mattered more than getting high grades. I always aimed to make a cut into the academically elite group of the school. I tried harder and harder. Even friendship did not matter to me like grades did. When in competition mode, even my friends would be like competitors. A thing about me that I would like to reveal is that, initially when there is no competition I am an amazing human being. Not exaggerating even a bit. I would be the apple of the eye for so many people. But competition turned everything sore for me. People departed.

Now many of you might think that probably my parents have put too much pressure on me to get good grades. They are completely chilled out human beings. But yes, when I would get good grades then they would be happy. Somehow this happiness is what I wanted to see. I wanted to make them happy. That would in turn make me happy. Working hard to make them happy soon changed into me becoming ambitious about my career. Now I work hard for myself and them. I want them to feel proud of me. I want them to proudly say to people “This is my daughter…”.

What am I then? Selfish? I really have not been able to understand this part of me. On one side I care about my parents, on the other side i don’t care about my friends. Friends are of least importance in my life. My career and my family is the priority. You tell me, if anything is wrong with me…

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